Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
