What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
