omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
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Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
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My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.