he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
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Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
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I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed