barbara walters just said penis...
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos