ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish