Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?