I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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