you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
27 Parents Confess Shocking Secrets Their Kids Don’t Know
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
It's blow job season.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me