my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
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So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
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My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner