I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
