My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
