I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
