I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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