Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
