im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
