I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
