i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
