it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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