So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
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At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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