i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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