and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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