Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
