My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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