i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
