I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Dear god my vagina.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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