Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
But we have bathrooms and they dont