So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
