Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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