I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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