I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize