Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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