You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
