just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
