Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
