It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
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