just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
