You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
