Have you finally orgasmed yet?
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
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I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
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I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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