college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
