Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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