dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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