I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
