Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
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