you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
