hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
