i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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