Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
