yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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