we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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