I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
