Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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