At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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