So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
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