I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
