I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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