I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
