I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
