The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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