It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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