So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
there is glitter all over my balls
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
