I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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