Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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