Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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