The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
