that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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