STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
