we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
