i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
You are a genius and a whore.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
