We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
