he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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