the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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