what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
