Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
