Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
