it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Randomize