im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
