dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
