My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You are the jesus of drinking
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
