No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
