i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
